March 30, 2023

Orgasm: More Than Just A Simple Gift

Just about everyone can enjoy orgasms by themselves, but when it comes to having them with others, the struggle is real! Research shows that achieving consistent orgasms during intercourse is like trying to find a needle in a haystack for many women, and some men have more trouble getting off than a sloth climbing up a slippery slope. Despite this, many people still feel the pressure to be the orgasm bestower, like they're some sort of sexual Santa Claus.

The desire to give orgasms is a noble one, especially for men who want to please their female partners. In the olden days, sex was considered a one-sided affair, where men got to have all the fun while women just laid there like a sack of potatoes. It was even believed that women couldn't experience sexual pleasure, so men didn't see the need to provide it. Thankfully, times have changed, and we now know that everyone is capable of enjoying sex. The fact that men want to give women orgasms is a step in the right direction, but let's not forget that it takes two to tango!

No one can just wave a magic wand and make someone orgasm. It's not like you can just snap your fingers and voila! - instant orgasm. It takes patience, practice, and some serious effort to get there. So, instead of focusing on "giving" orgasms, let's focus on exploring our bodies and our partner's bodies, communicating our desires and needs, and having fun! After all, when it comes to sex, the journey is just as important as the destination.

Orgasms Are Like Laughter

Ahem, let's talk about orgasms. You know, those elusive little moments of pure bliss that we all crave. It's like trying to catch a unicorn, except instead of a mythical creature, it's a toe-curling explosion of pleasure.

But here's the thing: orgasms are a lot like laughter. Hear me out. Just like a good joke, an orgasm doesn't just happen out of nowhere. It requires the right conditions. Trust, comfort, relaxation, and, of course, a little bit of TLC. And just like a comedian tickles our funny bone, a skilled partner can work their magic and bring us to the brink of ecstasy. But they don't "make" us orgasm. Oh no, that would be too easy. They simply create the conditions for us to let go and let it happen.

Lovers play a vital role in creating the physical and emotional environment that sets the stage for orgasms to happen. They can create a space of trust and encourage deep relaxation, as well as caress each other in ways that lead to orgasm. However, it's important to remember that lovers don't "give" each other orgasms. Each person is responsible for their own pleasure and orgasm.

This is why communication is crucial between lovers when it comes to exploring each other's desires and preferences. By sharing what turns them on, lovers can learn how to better stimulate each other and create a more fulfilling sexual experience. Here are some suggestions for things to discuss with your partner:

No mind-reading

It's important to remember that there's no mind-reading in love and sex. Hollywood may portray lovers as having magical powers to know each other's erotic preferences, but in reality, communication is key. If you don't express your likes and dislikes, your lover won't know what turns you on or off.


Instead of providing detailed explanations, try giving positive feedback when your lover does something you enjoy. A simple "ahhh" or "yes" can be a powerful tool in letting your lover know what feels good.


During intimate moments, expressing what we want can be difficult, even if we make sounds of pleasure such as "ahh." It is often easier to provide feedback afterwards, highlighting the enjoyable moments and requesting more. For example, you could say, "I loved it when you circled my clit with your tongue. Can we do that every time?"

Be positive about negatives

In a sexual relationship, it's essential to be able to communicate our boundaries and preferences with our partner. If there's something that your partner does that you're not comfortable with, it's okay to express your feelings in a loving and respectful way. For example, you could say something like, "I really enjoy the way you stroke my penis and give me oral pleasure, but when you suck on my balls, it's a little uncomfortable for me. Would it be okay if we avoided that from now on?"

By approaching the conversation in a gentle and caring manner, you can have an open and honest dialogue with your partner. Remember that being able to communicate your needs and desires is crucial in building a healthy and satisfying sexual relationship.


Repeating the same sexual routine can become monotonous and lose its excitement over time. To keep the spark alive in your sexual relationship, it's important to experiment and try new things.

Consider incorporating different elements into your routine such as candles, music, sex toys, or trying a new location or time of day. Let your imagination run wild and think of ways to add variety and excitement to your sexual encounters.


For some people, reaching orgasm can take longer than others, and this can be influenced by situational factors such as illness or stress. However, for some individuals, it may always take a longer time to reach orgasm, and that is perfectly normal.

If you or your partner takes longer to reach orgasm, it's important to reassure them that you are there for their pleasure, no matter how long it takes. Encourage them to focus on their erotic feelings rather than feeling anxious about taking too long. In fact, anxiety about taking too long can actually interfere with reaching orgasm.

Instead, be patient and communicate to your partner that there's no rush or pressure to orgasm quickly. This can help them relax and enjoy the experience more fully. Alternatively, you could consider incorporating a vibrator or vibrating penis sleeve to help speed up the process and enhance pleasure. Remember, the most important thing is to prioritize pleasure and enjoyment for both partners.

By incorporating these suggestions into your intimate encounters, you can create an environment that promotes relaxation, trust, and acceptance, ultimately leading to more fulfilling sexual experiences for both partners. It's important to note that you are not solely responsible for your partner's orgasm; rather, you are a catalyst that helps create the conditions for their release.

Instead of focusing on the idea of "giving" orgasms to each other, the key question is how can partners support each other in tapping into their own inner desires and reaching orgasm. By prioritizing communication, exploration, and pleasure, you can cultivate a deeper sense of intimacy and connection with your partner, leading to a more satisfying sexual relationship for both of you.