4 Tips for Relaxing and Enjoying Receiving Oral Sex
"Getting eaten out" never appealed to me; it implies a thick substance being consumed, which is unappetizing. Sorry if that’s unsavory. In contrast, the phrase "going down on me" invokes fantasies of power and arousal. This highlights the impact of our mindset on our experience. While I have always enjoyed various forms of oral pleasure, there have been times when anxiety made it difficult to fully enjoy. Anxiety can stem from self-consciousness or external factors.
If you desire to fully appreciate your partner’s skills in performing oral sex, regardless of your relationship with the act itself, here are four tips for letting go and fully appreciating oral sex.
Society's Influence: at least partly to blame
If you have concerns that your vagina might not be appealing enough to be licked, it's important to recognize that societal misogyny can impact how you perceive your own body. Research has shown time and again that not only is there an oral sex gap—among heterosexual partners, men usually receive more than they give—but there's also an enjoyment gap. In other words, people with pussies tend to enjoy receiving oral sex less than those wielding penises.
Our society often perpetuates the idea that vaginas are unclean, which can lead people with vaginas to feel self-conscious about the smell, appearance, or taste of their genitals. This self-consciousness can extend to their sex lives, making it difficult for them to relax and enjoy sexual activities like receiving oral sex. As a result, they may hesitate to ask for or allow cunnilingus. If you can relate to this experience, it's important to know that you're not alone. Recognizing this is a positive first step towards overcoming these negative feelings.
Your vagina can be a source of pleasure and sensuality
Firstly, every vagina is unique and should be appreciated for its individual beauty. Feeling the need to undergo labiaplasty to conform to the standards of mainstream pornography is unnecessary and can even be harmful to your delicate anatomy. Your pleasure should not be hindered by concerns about appearance, including your pleasure face. As for concerns about taste or smell, it's important to remember that men and partners of any gender find vaginas amazing and are not put off by natural odors. Douching is unhealthy, and regular showers are sufficient to maintain hygiene. While it's important not to let the opinions of others dictate your life, it can be reassuring to hear these truths spoken aloud.
Trusting that your partner is enjoying performing oral sex on you is not always easy, but it's important to remember that they wouldn't be doing it if they didn't want to. If you're not concerned about your smell or taste, you may worry that you're taking too long and your partner will lose interest or think there's something wrong with you. However, if that's the case, it's their problem, not yours. Your natural scent and taste can actually be a powerful turn-on for your partner, as the pheromones in your fluids are designed to drive them wild. I mean, the sight of your engorged, aroused vulva alone can turn your partner right the hell on too.
Find ways to communicate and connect
Communication is essential, both while receiving oral sex and while fully clothed. It's always better to communicate rather than to keep things bottled up, as not communicating can cause more anguish than discussing the issue ever could. If you're anxious about receiving oral, bring it up whenever it feels right, whether in or out of bed. You may be surprised at how openly discussing your fears can help them fade away, either by increasing mutual knowledge or by adding some humor to the situation. Moreover, your partner may also have their own insecurities, and initiating an honest discussion can make them feel more comfortable to share their own thoughts and feelings.
If you tend to feel disconnected during oral sex, there are several things you can ask your partner to do to make the experience more enjoyable. For example, you can ask them to hold your hand, hips, or ass, stroke your breasts or tweak your nipples, maintain eye contact, or take occasional breaks to connect face-to-face. Don't be afraid to communicate what feels good and what doesn't on a physical level. Although it may be challenging to express your needs and still feel sexy, it's necessary, and it gets easier with practice. You don't have to give your partner specific instructions on what to do, but rather give feedback in the heat of the moment. This can be a mutually beneficial practice for hotter, more communicative sex. Words such as "faster," "slower," "harder," "softer," and "more" are all possibilities waiting to be explored.
Stop pressuring yourself
You don't have to conform to any specific expectations or stereotypes when engaging in sexual activities with your partner. You don't have to act a certain way because you've seen it in movies or porn. You don't have to make noise or stay silent, stay still or writhe and claw and pant. You don't have to stay in control, nor do you have to lose control. You don't have to have an orgasm or do it within a specific time limit. You don't have to squirt, nor do you have to stop yourself from doing so. The most crucial thing is to be present in your body, feel comfortable with your partner, and enjoy the mutual pleasure you're experiencing together.
If you're aware of all the reasons why you should be enjoying oral sex but are still struggling, breathing exercises could be helpful. One simple exercise to try is to breathe in for four counts and breathe out for four counts. This measured breathing can help your muscles release tension and relax, which can also help your mind remember the importance of taking a break. By focusing on your breath, you can become more present in the moment and let go of any worries or anxieties that may be hindering your enjoyment of the experience.
Explore the A to Z of Sex