How to Resolve Differences in Sexual Desire

Regardless of age, new romantic partners often experience a period of intense physical attraction and desire for one another. However, this passionate phase typically diminishes after a year or so, and sexual frequency often declines as a result. When both partners experience a similar decrease in libido, it may not pose a problem. However, in many cases, one partner desires sex more frequently than the other. In long-term relationships, these differences in sexual desire can become a persistent source of tension, leading to complaints such as "You never want to!" or "You're insatiable!"

Who wants sex more? If you’re thinking the man, you’re almost right. According to sex therapists, the man has more libido in half to two-thirds of cases. However, surprisingly, in one-third to half of cases, it is the woman who desires sex more frequently. When the man is the partner with higher libido, it can still cause stress, but it is culturally accepted as normal because the stereotype is that men are more sexually driven. On the other hand, when the woman has a higher sex drive, it can be culturally unexpected, more stressful for the couple, and even lead to derogatory name-calling such as "nymphomaniac!"

An often overlooked consequence of differences in sexual desire is the impact they can have on nonsexual affection between partners. Individuals with a higher sex drive may initiate activities such as hugging, cuddling, and kissing, not only because they find them emotionally satisfying, but also in the hopes of initiating sexual activity. Conversely, those with less interest in sex may avoid physical displays of affection, out of concern that they may be interpreted as an invitation for sexual activity. This dynamic can lead to a reduction in nonsexual intimacy between partners, and can further exacerbate differences in sexual desire. A best sex doll shop here.

In modern times, differences in sexual desire have become a primary reason for couples to seek the guidance of sex therapists. Typically, therapists will inquire about the power dynamics at play in the relationship, asking each partner, "Who controls the sex?" Surprisingly, both partners often point to the other, and are equally surprised to learn that their partner feels powerless as well. The partner with the higher libido may feel emotionally devastated by every rejection, while the partner with less desire may feel emotionally drained from constantly fending off advances. How to become a sex toy tester?

Fortunately, desire differences CAN be resolved. Here are the steps:

What do you really want?

Is it sex? When it comes to what we truly desire from our partners, it's important to consider more than just sex. While sexual intimacy is certainly a crucial aspect of any romantic relationship, there are other important needs that should be taken into account. For example, couples may crave more fun and excitement together, nonsexual affection, or simply reassurance of their partner's love and commitment. Despite differences in sexual desire, partners often feel closer when they engage in activities such as cuddling, making social plans, and treating each other with kindness and empathy.

Negotiate a compromise frequency

It's important to negotiate and find a compromise when it comes to the frequency of sexual intimacy in a relationship. If one partner desires sex twice a week and the other prefers once a month, finding a frequency that both can tolerate is key, even if it doesn't match up to a specific average. Couples of all ages have varying frequencies ranging from no sexual activity to daily, but research suggests that for couples under 40, once a week is the most common frequency, while for older couples, two to three times a month is typical.

Schedule sex dates in advance

To ease relationship tensions caused by desire differences, it can be helpful to plan and schedule sex dates in advance. This can provide reassurance to both partners, as higher-desire partners can feel confident that sexual intimacy will occur, while lower-desire partners can feel secure that it will only happen when scheduled. By implementing this strategy, couples may find that tensions related to sexual frequency diminish.

Scheduling Sex Dates in Relationships

Lower-desire partners often worry, “But what if we have a date and I’m not in the mood?” However, in practice, this issue is often less problematic than they anticipate. Scheduling sex dates helps reduce tension around sex and improve the relationship overall. Lower-desire partners can usually get themselves in the right mindset for scheduled sex.

Of course, sex schedules are not set in stone. Sex therapists recommend trying scheduling for at least six months, and if it's not working, then renegotiate. 

However, scheduling can often be a breath of fresh air for both higher and lower-desire partners. Higher-desire partners dislike feeling like they are begging, and lower-desire partners dislike feeling overwhelmed. Scheduling can often be a relief for both parties.

Embrace your schedule in good faith

It's important to accept and commit to the agreed schedule without complaining or arguing. Higher-desire partners should avoid pressuring their lower-desire partners for more sex, and lower-desire partners should avoid canceling or unreasonably postponing scheduled sex dates.

Cuddle more

Increasing nonsexual affection can be beneficial to a relationship. When couples accept their compromise schedule in good faith, they can both feel comfortable initiating hugging, kissing, and cuddling without the fear of it being interpreted as a sexual invitation. By doing so, they can enjoy the emotional nourishment that comes with nonsexual affection. Couples who have resolved their desire differences often find themselves pleasantly surprised by how much they have missed nonsexual affection, and how crucial it is to the health of their relationship and their own happiness.

Sex toys can be a helpful tool in resolving differences in sexual desire. For couples where one partner has a higher libido than the other, using sex toys can help bridge the gap and provide a satisfying sexual experience for both partners. It's important to communicate openly and honestly about the use of sex toys in the relationship and to make sure both partners are comfortable with their use. Additionally, incorporating sex toys can add variety and excitement to the sexual experience and can help both partners explore and discover new things about their own desires and preferences. It's important to approach the use of sex toys in a non-judgmental way and to be open to trying new things, as this can ultimately help strengthen the relationship.