I remember very distinctly a number of years ago having a moment: it was a dark and stormy night (okay, maybe it wasn't stormy, but it was definitely dark), and I was hanging out with my friend. Suddenly, we both felt this intense connection, like two magnets being drawn together. Next thing I know, we're making out like a couple of teenagers at prom. 

But here's where things get interesting: my friend suddenly announces that he needs me, like he's some kind of superhero on a mission. Before I know it, he's pulling down my pants and trying to put on a condom. Problem is, he seemed surprised when he realized I wasn't exactly...dripping with anticipation. 

Needless to say, things didn't go any further that night. But it did teach me and my friend a valuable lesson: porn can really mess with your expectations when it comes to sex. I mean, have you ever watched mainstream porn? It's like it was made by men, for men, with no regard for what women actually want or need. So, let's talk about all the ways that porn gets it wrong, shall we?

Table of Content

• Foreplay
• Orgasm Through Penetration
• No Fuss, No Mess
• What Women Want
• Conclusion

Foreplay

Ah, foreplay - that magical time between when you start making out and when you finally get down to business. At least, that's what they tell us in the movies. In reality, foreplay is more like a marathon than a sprint. It takes time, patience, and a whole lot of effort to get things going.

Of course, it's not just about timing. There's also the matter of getting in the right mindset. For many women, it takes a while to feel ready for the main event. And that's totally normal! It's like trying to eat a sandwich without first feeling hungry. It's just not gonna work.

But thanks to the wonderful world of porn, we've all been conditioned to believe that women should be instantly wet and ready to go at the mere sight of a penis. Talk about setting unrealistic expectations! It's like expecting a cake to bake itself just because you put it in the oven.

Orgasm Through Penetration

As a young woman, I was convinced that the key to a mind-blowing orgasm was penetration. Thanks, porn! So, I faked it. A lot. But as I got older and did some digging (not the fun kind), I learned the cold, hard truth: only 18% of women can orgasm through penetration alone. It's like trying to find a unicorn riding a rainbow. Good luck with that!

But here's a pro tip for all you pleasure-seekers out there: the clitoris is where it's at. Seriously, give it some love! It's like the VIP of the pleasure palace. Play with it during sex, play with it during breakfast, hell, play with it during your Zoom meeting (just make sure your camera's off). Trust me, it's the most reliable way to make a woman orgasm. And who doesn't love a guaranteed happy ending?

No Fuss, No Mess

Pornography is like a Hollywood blockbuster. It's all polished and edited to perfection, with no room for the messy, awkward moments that inevitably happen during sex. Like the time when the dude missed the target, or when you accidentally elbowed your partner in the face (oops). But in real life, those moments are what make sex fun and unique. It's like a comedy of errors, except with more nudity.

So don't stress if things don't go according to plan. Embrace the weirdness, the awkwardness, and the unexpected surprises. Trust me, it'll make the sex better (and probably funnier too). Plus, it's a great bonding experience. Who knows, you might even discover a new kink or two. So let's all raise a glass to the imperfect, messy, and hilarious world of sex! Cheers!

What Women Want

Listen up, fellas! Just because you saw it in porn doesn't mean it's the norm. Women are unique individuals with their own likes and dislikes, and assuming otherwise can lead to some serious disappointment in the bedroom.

Sure, some women love anal, facials, swallowing, threesomes, and squirting. But these acts require a conversation beforehand. You can't just surprise your partner with a face full of jizz or a finger up the butt without some prior discussion.

In fact, only 40% of straight women have tried anal, 22% have taken a facial, 33% swallow semen, less than 20% of women have had a threesome, and only about 6% regularly squirt. So, don't assume that every woman is into these things.

Conclusion

Oh boy, let's talk about the biggest difference between pornography and real sex. It's like night and day, people! You know what's missing in porn? Communication. Yeah, you heard me right. There's more silence in a porn video than in a library during finals week. 

It's like everyone assumes the woman wants to do everything the man wants, and that's just not cool. It's as if taking sexual risks is like hitting the jackpot for guys. But hey, let's get real. Porn doesn't show the importance of affirmative consent. I mean, when was the last time you heard someone say, "Hey, can I do this thing to you or what?" 

And let's not forget about the actual doing-it part. Every vulva is different, folks. What worked for your ex might not work for your current partner. So, instead of playing guessing games, why not just ask? I know, I know, it can be awkward at first, but trust me, it's worth it. 

Look, I'm not saying we should all stop watching porn. Let's be real, some of those videos are hot. But let's be thoughtful about it, okay? A lot of that stuff is just pure fantasy and doesn't teach us how to have satisfying sex in real life. So, let's all be responsible porn-watchers and communicate like the grown-ass adults we are.