Incorporating Vibrators into Our Sex Life

Over the past 30 years, I’ve responded to numerous sex-related inquiries from individuals across the globe. One recurring question asked by women is, "How can I introduce a vibrator during partner sex and make my partner comfortable with it?"

This question comes as no surprise. Despite their popularity as solo sex enhancers since the 1980s, most men still view vibrators as primarily for women who don't have partners. As a result, few men have considered incorporating them into partner sex.

Research confirms this as well. A group of researchers from Indiana University conducted interviews with 1,047 men between the ages of 18 and 60. They found that 45% of the men reported having had sex with a partner that involved vibrators at least once in their lives. However, only 14% of the men reported having used a vibrator with a partner within the past year, and a mere 10% had done so in the previous month.

Why are men so reluctant to include vibes in partner sex? I have heard two main objections over the years as to why men are so hesitant to incorporate vibrators into partner sex. The first is the belief that vibrators are unnatural and foreign objects that have no place in sexual activity between partners. The second is the fear of being replaced by a machine.

Actually, vibrators are simply another tool in the erotic arsenal, and there's nothing inherently unnatural about them. Just like other erotic enhancements such as candles, music, lingerie, champagne, and lubricants, vibrators can add to the pleasure of sex, whether used solo or during partner play.

Comparing vibrators to power tools is a good analogy. Just as power tools make carpenters' jobs easier and more efficient, vibrators can enhance sexual pleasure for both partners. Vibrators don't replace the intimate connection between partners, as they are just another tool in the sexual arsenal. Vibes can provide additional stimulation, making sex more enjoyable and helping women reach orgasm.

For years, I've been advocating for more vibrator use during partner sex. Vibrators not only enhance women's sexual pleasure, but they can also benefit men. According to the survey mentioned earlier, men who regularly used vibrators reported improved sexual function, including increased desire, better erections, more intense orgasms, and greater overall satisfaction.

Now, it’s not clear if vibrator use, per se, improves sex for men, or if men who are sexually satisfied are simply more open to using them. It is likely a combination of both. However, with only around 14 percent of men incorporating vibrators into partner sex within the past year, there are likely many women who wish more men would embrace them in lovemaking.

My suggestion for women is to watch the movie The OH! in Ohio with their partners. This independent feature from 2006 stars Parker Posey, Paul Rudd, Danny DeVito, and Liza Minnelli. The film's protagonist, Priscilla Chase (Posey), is a successful advertising executive from Cleveland who has never had an orgasm and wishes things were different. Her husband (Rudd) considers their marriage a failure because she can’t come. However, a friend sends Priscilla to a women’s sexuality workshop led by the inspiring Liza Minnelli, where she discovers the world of vibrators. Priscilla falls in love with them and even sets her phone on vibrate and slips it into her underwear before an important business meeting. Her husband fears he's being replaced by a machine, but his friend assures him that vibrators can enhance partner sex. The movie shows the benefits of incorporating vibrators into partner sex and could be a good starting point for couples to explore together.

In some ways, The OH! In Ohio is a silly romantic comedy. But it’s also the best pro-vibrator movie ever made. If your man feels reluctant to welcome a vibrator into bed, The OH! In Ohio just might change his mind.

If your partner becomes more open to using vibrators in bed, consider discussing the vibrators you already own together—half of adult American women own at least one. Alternatively, you can shop for a new vibrator online together, finding one that appeals to both of you. Battery-powered models are usually better for couple play, as there are no cords to get tangled up in. Make sure to have lubricant on hand, and discuss how you would like to incorporate vibrators into partner lovemaking. Communication and experimentation can lead to new levels of pleasure for both partners.